Identity
by gethsemane342
Summary: Millicent Bulstrode's life is filled with Muggles.
1. Past: Millie

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter.

Written for the HPCF challenge, Past, Present, Future.

Identity

1) Past - Millie

Muggles were prominent in her past. Until the age of eleven, she would spend every summer at her Muggle Grandmother's house. There, she lazed on the beach on the sunny days, and walked through the village on the wet days. And she was never alone.

"Millie! Come on, you've gotta see this!"

She lay on the beach, squinting up at the weak Sun. Hardly anyone was around.

"Hey, if you don't come here, I won't be your friend anymore."

Arfon used the same threat every time. Millie grinned at the cloudy sky. It was nice to know where she stood. Nice to have the same, dependable friend.

"Millie, please." The boy appeared, tugging on her arm. "It's no fun if I can't show you."

She let herself be pulled up and together they walked to see the cave. She had seen it before and so had he. He had just wanted her to get up.

"You're horrible," she grunted.

"Yep," he laughed. "But you like me anyway."

She smiled unwillingly. "Yeah."

He suddenly moved towards her and briefly touched his lips to hers. She blushed furiously, wiping her lips. "What was that?"

He shrugged. "Promise me something, Millie."

"Not after that!"

"Promise me you'll stay in touch when you go off to school."

"Promise not to kiss me again?"

"Yeah."

"Fine."

One promise was kept. One was broken.


	2. Present: Bulstrode

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter

2) Present – Bulstrode

Her present is filled with Witches and Wizards. She is seventeen and has spent the last seven years in Hogwarts. The trips to her Grandmother's house have ceased and she has cut off all knowledge of Muggle things. Slytherin frowns upon Muggles. To survive, she hates Muggles.

"Bulstrode, get the hell out of my way."

She moves out of the way. Life in Hogwarts is terrifying now that the Death Eaters have taken over. She knows that it's better not to cause a commotion.

"Bulstrode, you done the Muggle Studies homework? Can I copy?"

She looks at her homework and hands it to Pansy, confused as to why Pansy would _want_ to copy her homework; after all Bulstrode isn't as smart. But it is always easier not to argue with Pansy. She is the 'alpha' female of Seventh-year. Bulstrode is the 'omega'.

"Here you go," Pansy snickers after a while. Bulstrode takes the sheet. It falls apart instantly. Rather than getting angry, Bulstrode turns and walks to her room. She tries to repair the homework but can't, so she begins to write it out again instead.

This is how her life goes. She has no friends. Not since Arfon. No one she can turn to.

"Get your bloody letter off the floor," Tracey Davis hisses. "If Pansy or Daphne sees it, you'll be in for it." The girl holds out a piece of paper. Bulstrode takes it.

"Thanks," she tells the other girl. It's not a word she uses often. Not when she has to act so tough.

"Merlin, Bulstrode, you don't need to be a genius to realise that keeping that thing is stupid. Just burn it or something." Tracey leaves the room.

Burn it. Burn the letter. Her last link to a happier life. It's the safe thing to do. But can she cut this like she has so many other things? The last sign of her identity?

She holds the wand to the paper. "Incendio," she whispers, startled at how easy it is. Her gaze is fixed on one line as the paper burns.

_You never write, Millie. Maybe once or twice a year. I don't know what I did but it's been five years since you saw me. I guess we're not friends, are we? Not anymore._

The paper burns. So does Millie.


	3. Future: Millicent

Disclaimer: Do not own Harry Potter

3) Future – Millicent

In the future, she will be with a mix of people. She will not be academic enough for most jobs but she will easily land a job in the Muggle Relations department.

When she is twenty-three, she will return to the small village of her childhood summers. Everything will be different.

The house will have new people living in it. It will be red instead of blue.

The beach will have benches for people to eat their lunches on. The cave will be blocked in.

The village will have new shops. No one will recognise her when she buys an ice-cream.

"Excuse me," a voice will say when she stands on the beach.

"Sorry." She will move out of the way.

The man will look at her. "Thanks."

She will nod, her throat suddenly tight.

She will realise just how much she missed Arfon over the years. Even though their friendship was one of children. Even though it will have been twelve years.

She will open her mouth to tell him. She will close it.

"Were you going to say something?" he will ask.

"I thought…it's a nice day."

He will look bemused. "Yes, it is."

"That's all."

He will smile. "Okay. Nice to meet you…"

"Millicent," she will fill in for him.

"Arfon," he will reply, a flicker of realisation flashing across his face.

"I should go,"

"Me too."

He will walk away in his intended direction. She will leave in the opposite direction.

"Bye, Arfon," she will call out suddenly. He will turn around.

"Bye, Millicent," he will call back in his teasing voice.

She will hesitate and look at him. He will do the same.

Nothing will happen.

He will carry on walking and Millicent will slowly head back the way she came. Because Millie was the happy child who was friends with Arfon. Not Millicent.

She will keep looking for him during the rest of her stay. Because Bulstrode was the terrified teenager who ignored him and pretended to hate him. Not Millicent.

When she finally finds him, she will merely smile at him before walking away. Because Millicent will be the understanding adult who knows when she has messed things up so much that she cannot possibly repair them.

It will be this new identity that will hurt her most of all. Because she allowed herself to have expectations. And she will know that it was her who stopped them from becoming reality.


End file.
